Breaking point....and line in the sand.

This morning I cried in the shower.   Ugly, nasty crying where I had to sit down and let the sobs wrack my body. 

Afterwards I got out of the shower, and cried more to my husband. 

I've hit my point.  My breaking point of not being able to live this way anymore. 

I'm exhausted, want to cry all time, nauseated, stressed out, and miserable. I feel fat too- but that's not the worst.  I know part of why I'm miserable is what I've been feeding myself and it's not only led to extra weight where I don't fit in my clothes well anymore, but contributing to my feeling miserable. 

It's easy to know things.  I know when I eat sugary, processed, crap food that I'll feed bad bacteria which leads to bad moods.  I know when I eat more of those foods it causes inflammation and decreases serotonin in my brain- what my brain needs to be happy.  I've known for a long time that I need to get my stress eating under control and that I can't outrun a bad diet.  (HELLO- I ran 11 miles less than 2 weeks ago and have gained 3 pounds since).  I know lots of stuff.  I know what to eat. I know what mind games to do to get me there.  The problem has been my emotions (and probably bad gut bacteria that I'm feeding) have been leading the way.   It's EASIER to NOT do the right things even though I feel awful.

At church today, the pastor talked about humans always will go the path of least resistance because that's easier even if it's not good for us.  Man was he talking to me.  100%. 

So now it's time.  Because I can't keep doing this.   Instead of being random posts on health topics, this is going to be my newest journey.  I'm going to try to do it journal style.  Food and exercise journal.  Wins, losses.  All of it.  Hope you don't mind the real me.  Because ugly sobs are possible again.  I'm doing this in conjunction with Rachel Hollis' Last 90 days work- gratitude, exercise, self care, and goals- to end the year strong so I can begin stronger.  I'll need whatever motivation I can get.  And feel free to pop to her page to sign up- it's free. 

So before the nasty crying- I ran 4 miles with one of my best friends.  She has been my therapist awhile now, and usually her and a good run can handle what life throws at me.  Life has been throwing faster though.....

After the ugly crying....I had my Pink Drink (Slim Hunger Control) and some MetaBurn to try to ramp up my metabolism (and hopefully my mood too- I haven't had it in months so fingers crossed)....

Then I made a healthy breakfast for everyone- and I took my vitamins and some Ease for pain and inflammation. 

I drank a ton of water- like normal.  I usually do way more than 1/2 my body weight in water because of all the running I do. I had an Active during church- keep me awake all day.  I've been dragging so much that if I don't drink one I am doing everything in my power to keep my eyes open after noon.    Lunch was pretty healthy- we had a meeting at church and they catered Chipotle.  I made myself a bowl with lots of veggies and just a little rice and a few chips- and used Balance before to block and balance sugar and carbs. 

This afternoon I had a slump where I went to the kitchen hunting for a snack and got a few handfuls of M&Ms.  Trust me- if you have seen what I've been eating the last several days, this is nothing on the calorie scale. 

But I really need to do better.....I had 3 baby carrots too.  Didn't hit the spot like the M&Ms. 
More water, BioCleanse both between breakfast/lunch and lunch/dinner. 

For dinner we went out to a local seafood restaurant.  I got fish and sweet potato fries.  Took some Block- a carb blocker.   I had water though, no soda.  So that's something. 

More water at home, Probio5, Mega-x, and Ease at bedtime.  No more snacks- another win!  Evening is my worst time usually. 

So here's my shame.  My measurements, weight and pictures.   My daughter has pointed out that I'm still over 10 pounds below my heaviest before Plexus.  And I know that should make me feel better.  Emotionally I'm in too much of a wreck to care though.  I also know if I don't make changes, eventually that 10+ pounds will come back too.  We can only out supplement and out exercise junk for so long.  No excuses. 

So here we go....

 

So that's it today.  Tomorrow is the last day of September...then last 90 days kicks in full steam ahead.  My mind, body and soul need this more than I can convey on here. 

I pray my sincerity and story may help someone in the future.

Blessings in Health and Happiness,