The month of November has had it's ups and downs without a doubt. Job searching, important appointments, stress of regular life....
First I found out that my job was ending January 1st 2020. The company has been amazing with how they are working it out for us (in my opinion). They could have shut the doors and said bye. Instead they gave us 2 months notice, those of us with at least a year get severance packages based on our length of service, and we'll get our PTO all paid out. In addition, we also got our bonus checks we already earned (thank you Christmas money!). So all in all, it worked for the second best (of course the best being not closing). So the next thing is finding a job that's flexible, part time, and hopefully with benefits. This was a challenge the first time and not sure it's possible a second time. I set my sights on flexible with the knowledge I may be shopping for health insurance for the family. Within 2 weeks I had 2 interviews. I had second interviews with everyone within 4 weeks of finding the clinic closed and accepted a job that was flexible but no insurance and got 2 more emails afterwards asking for interviews. I'm blessed to have the background and networking to have options and I'm very looking forward to my new job. Now I have to shop for insurance.
Second, my eating. If you've been stalking my food journal you know that I don't do horrible but I'm sure not the picture of health either. Well, last Sunday (the 24th) was kind of traumatizing. I know that word sounds a little over-the-top but that's what it was/is/still is. I went to church service where the sermon started really great. About doing things that give glory to God. About blessing our bodies. About how small victories lead up to large victories. I even was thinking about how it would be cool if a group of people got together for meal planning with that in my- blessing our bodies. Rachel Hollis talks about that too- she eats foods that bless her body, not make her feel better. Anyway, I digress. It was going well until the person speaking brought up not accepting other people for being different. I don't have exact quotes, because the recording was from the second service and apparently he didn't go so far into the hatred rabbit hole. But he essentially judging other people's sins as worse than anything he has done- particularly on the subjects of pre-marital sex, abortion, genders, gay, and love between people. I even wrote in my journal "hate much? Ugh." and "God said to love." I was literally sick to my stomach. I should have gotten up and made a scene or at least left. Even now, over a week later it bothers me. So what does church have to do with eating? It sent me on a spiral. Tons of snacks. Lots of food. Yes, I had my greens most days-so that's something- but the rest of the time it was not pretty. But a week later, the trauma that a comforting Mass later that day couldn't erase. That exercising every day (go me) didn't undo. That starting each day saying 'I'm going to do better' didn't really help.
Friday I re-drew another line in the sand. I feel like my sand piles blow quickly. I fasted for 72 hours (scientifically 4-5 days is actually best for a body reset- but it's actually pretty easy for me to fast on my work days so that's what I did). Water, vitamins and nothing else. This video came up on Sunday and I love it- this is what I'm talking about 1,000,000%. Health is a journey, not a destination. Not perfection. It gave me hope back. https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=719352478555534 (not sure how this will show up- it's on facebook). I broke my fast with salad. I did have some pizza- 2 slices and one was thin crust with a lot of veggies. My plan today is worked out ahead of time. I know what I'm eating and when. I have a plan. And I'm sticking.
Third is Eli. We had a follow up with his neuropsychologist and I've been chewing it around in my head for several days before I could put what I believe he was telling me onto paper. So we're getting more testing done. It's not clear if he should be in the intellectual disability area or general education area, so we're retesting in January (yes, when we don't have insurance anymore.) My biggest goal with Eli has been getting him labeled not for our sake, but for sake of services he could need. One thing I know about Eli is he has autistic traits- could we get the diagnosis so he could have services easier? The doctor will do more tests, but said he prefers to be more clear and concise on his diagnoses. The thing is that now we know about his genetic disorder (which we didn't last year when we saw him) it actually makes things more clear and more complicated at the same time. He said genetic problems like Eli's effect how the protein in the brain forms and how the connections in his brain form so while he may have many traits of many different problems- autism, ADHD, dyslexia- he may not truly have a diagnosis of any like a typical person. He likely won't fit into any one box because it could be any proteins in any parts of his brain affected. He acknowledged that the ADHD diagnoses may even not be completely correct and the fact that we've struggled to understand him- this is why. He gave a much clearer explanation on how and why this genetic problem plays a part into Eli. We still don't have clear answers on where to go next- but we're going to do further testing, I need to set up a sleep study for him, and we are going to try to get Eli a scholarship to pay for occupational therapy and speech therapy outside of the school to work on more than their realm covers. We also have a follow up with genetics this month.
Fourth is my Plexus business. I love it. I love sharing and helping people get healthy. But honestly I've ignored it all of November, and December isn't looking good. I know I would feel worse without my products, but with the struggle with anxiety and depression, and life throwing me knocks it's been hard. It's hard to reach out to others for normal everyday things. So it's hard to reach out and say "I feel like crap now because of life but these products may help you not feel like crap." That's the truth, but I don't have the motivation to say it. It's also hard because I've been a leader for our team for a long time, and I feel like I'm phoning it in. Actually I know I am.
I have a plan for December and the future for all of these. For the month of December I'm giving myself grace on my Plexus business. I've signed up for Super Saturday in January and that's going to be my relaunch. For the month of December I'm going to get Eli's appointments and paperwork done ASAP (hopefully today) and then forget about it all until appointments come. We're going to keep our day to day routine. For the month of December, I'm going to go hard core on eating. I know what to do. It's just doing it. It's doing it without beating yourself up, but not being stupid. Eat the stupid salad- as Rachel Hollis says it. I'm going to exercise daily, I'm going to go to bed without a book so I go to sleep at a decent hour. I'm going to be the healthiest me possible by New Years and ride that wave to January. For the month of December, I'll finish my scheduled hours doing the best for my patient's. January 2nd I start my new job. And it will be awesome, I know it!
I'm going to try to get back to daily or at least every other daily journal so you can follow me.
Blessings in Health and Happiness-
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